Losing Momentum

They are ok in moderation, but you gotta count ’em!!

Managing the tasks of life is sometimes a very difficult thing for me to do.

I am just coming off of a 10 day break in my calorie counting program. I didn’t plan to take a break.  It just happened.  It all began when things got really hectic and my workload kind of doubled on me.  It was all positive.  These changes are about things that I want to do. Still, I have not fully adapted to the new schedule. As a matter of fact, I haven’t put a lot of thought into scheduling, period.  Upon analyzing the situation, I find this fact to be at the root of my difficulties.

I was pulling all-nighters and being led by my emotions and ambitions during all this time. In other words, just kind of doing whatever I felt like doing at any given moment, with no real self-control.   I started estimating instead of counting at about that time. A time-saver, I thought.  I was probably eating less calories than allowed, and I figured I would only do it for a few days.  So was not really worried about it.  When weigh-in day came around, the scale actually showed a loss of 3#. That just served to provide me with a false sense of security.

Gradually, I began eating more calories, but still not too many, I don’t think.  My stress level was pretty high, and the last 3 nights, I did really bad, getting into sugary sodas, big cinnamon rolls, ice cream, candy, summer sausage,…  All without counting. I made a note, 3 days ago, that it was time to sit down and think about what I am doing here.  It still took these three days to get completely off my high horse and face the facts.  I tried to get things under control yesterday. I did count calories, but I still went over by about 500.  Progress… Tonight, it looks like I am going to make it. But, I’m still on unsteady ground.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I expect it to be pretty bad (5 3/4# gain).  But I know it won’t take that long to make a full rebound.  I actually like calorie counting.  It is comforting and makes me feel good about how I am eating and taking care of myself.  So, I don’t think it will be too hard to get back in the swing of things.

I need to put some thought into how to go about blending my new responsibilities with the old ones.  Once I have that figured out, then I will have some boundaries to enforce.  This is just a part of being my own good parent.  When I let the child have her way, she always gets me in trouble.  But when I apply some self-discipline, this is an act of kindness that I do unto myself.  And it leaves me feeling safe and capable.

Once I have that feeling, then I can settle down and live my life confidently.  I guess I will never ever stop having to do this. But the point is, there are places I want to go.  And it is the adult in me that knows how to get there.

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