Managing the tasks of life is sometimes a very difficult thing for me to do.
I am just coming off of a 10 day break in my calorie counting program. I didn’t plan to take a break. It just happened. It all began when things got really hectic and my workload kind of doubled on me. It was all positive. These changes are about things that I want to do. Still, I have not fully adapted to the new schedule. As a matter of fact, I haven’t put a lot of thought into scheduling, period. Upon analyzing the situation, I find this fact to be at the root of my difficulties.
I was pulling all-nighters and being led by my emotions and ambitions during all this time. In other words, just kind of doing whatever I felt like doing at any given moment, with no real self-control. I started estimating instead of counting at about that time. A time-saver, I thought. I was probably eating less calories than allowed, and I figured I would only do it for a few days. So was not really worried about it. When weigh-in day came around, the scale actually showed a loss of 3#. That just served to provide me with a false sense of security.
Gradually, I began eating more calories, but still not too many, I don’t think. My stress level was pretty high, and the last 3 nights, I did really bad, getting into sugary sodas, big cinnamon rolls, ice cream, candy, summer sausage,… All without counting. I made a note, 3 days ago, that it was time to sit down and think about what I am doing here. It still took these three days to get completely off my high horse and face the facts. I tried to get things under control yesterday. I did count calories, but I still went over by about 500. Progress… Tonight, it looks like I am going to make it. But, I’m still on unsteady ground.
Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I expect it to be pretty bad (5 3/4# gain). But I know it won’t take that long to make a full rebound. I actually like calorie counting. It is comforting and makes me feel good about how I am eating and taking care of myself. So, I don’t think it will be too hard to get back in the swing of things.
I need to put some thought into how to go about blending my new responsibilities with the old ones. Once I have that figured out, then I will have some boundaries to enforce. This is just a part of being my own good parent. When I let the child have her way, she always gets me in trouble. But when I apply some self-discipline, this is an act of kindness that I do unto myself. And it leaves me feeling safe and capable.
Once I have that feeling, then I can settle down and live my life confidently. I guess I will never ever stop having to do this. But the point is, there are places I want to go. And it is the adult in me that knows how to get there.